Darth Vader

I'll think about it, I'll get back to you about this on Monday.

No problem, I'm one of the good guys now.

Well, let's not forget that you killed millions of innocent people, including women and children. Hell, you remember the young Jedis?

Yeah. Yeah. OK. But enough about me, let's talk about you. What are you gonna do now that the Empire is destroyed and that you basically have no reason to live? You know, no girlfriend, no job, etc.

YOU NEVER SUPPORTED ME

I'll pick it up at noon.

Not that I know of.

You're lying, Luke. You know damn well I am your father.

Well what am I gonna do then? I have to kill you. I can't kill my own father!

Won't happen. You suck with a lightsaber.

YOU NEVER SUPPORTED ME

We don't keep ice. And don't talk to me that way, I'm your father.

My father? You're my father? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Hahaha, just like me after your ma died. NOOOOOOOOO!!! hahaha

Yoda, is this true? Vader is my father?

Hum yes, to tell you, I might have forgotten. Oh and your sister, Leia is. And uncle Lars, gay was, very possibly.

Leia is my sister? LOL I jacked off thinking of her this morning.

OK now thats too much information.

Put him in the basement freezer.

Seen him I have not, and if seen I would him... not seen.. I... shit I fucked up.

You know there are schools for this.

The fuck up, shut

Fax it to Gina at human resources.

Hoth? what a hellhole. Can you send the large metal dogs we had built for us last summer?

Large metal dogs? You mean the AT-AT? The Imperial AT-AT Walkers?

Pffft look at you with your fancy names. I say METAL DOGS.

Of course I can send them but it takes two days just to fill them up.

OK. You go to Ultramar, I have mystery discount coupons, they're in the glove compartment.

Well I'll just build a nicer one with a bathroom in every room and cool doors that go FOUIZ everywhere.

Yeah, we'll see about that. What was the idea of letting a large trench on this one? Oh and the hole! Why didn't you just block the stupid hole?

WE WERE NOT DONE YET

By the way, you looked really silly in your spinning cockpit

Yeah I know... it was like the Super Loop ride. Threw up in my helmet. What a fucking mess.

There, there. Your ears are really nice and your nose is juste a little swollen, that's all.

You think so?

GH-604 is just jealous! You tell him to come and see me after dinner. I'm a little busy right now.

I was winning but then he vanished when he realized I would beat the living shit out of him.

It was magic, Luke. The Force. As I told Darth, by letting him beat me, I... I become more powerful. More than... er... more than he can imagine. This... this is THE FORCE. I am more... powerful. There. That's it.

What a crapload of bullshit.

Ooooh. Sorry. That's the dark side of the Force LOL. I'm sending someone ASAP.

I swear I didn't know he would really pull the trigger

You gave him the order! You said "Commence primary ignition"

Yes but if you would have seen my face when the planet blew up! It was full of astonishment, dread and awe... Your hair looks really great by the way.

Aaah you think so? It doesn't make my head look big?

No, no, it looks great on you. You remind me of an old love. You look just like her, but way stupider.

You have no respect

You have no boyfriend.

Could you be a little bit more precise? Primary ignition maybe? Because there's a shitload of buttons down here.

Oh. Yes. Commence primary ignition. Yes.

Uh? No no I'm pretty sure it's PAT Benatar. I don't know any Darth Benatar. Wait I'll get the CD

No MY name is Darth

Haha I told you, it has PAT Benatar written on the cover. You're becoming senile, Dark

OK forget it.

If you get rid of GH-333 for me, I know a nice little planet on which you could have a vacation. And it's not too far away

No problem regarding GH-333! Which planet is it?

It's called Alderaan. You can look it up on Google Galaxy. But you better leave now cause it might be hard to find later LOL

Thanks Darth! Can't wait to tell my wife and kids! ;)

Hem yeah...ok as you wish.

Aren't you all the same?

Er, yes but I'm just a little bit different. They rushed me through on a Friday at 4h15 PM and my suit is not as well-ventilated as BD-101's.

I don't know. Not sure I like it... There's usually forms to fill for this, and the mission is kinda urgent.

Say yessssss!

Well ok then. We'll fill the forms later. But keep your mouth shut about this.

Thanks Darth! It's a promise!

Hey! How are you captain! Congrats, nice work!

Oh and I let a small pod escape from Princess Leia's ship.

AH GAWD I SHOULD'VE KNOWN IT WAS YOU. ARE YOU RETARDED?

No, no! Hahaha! There was no signs of life inside! We clearly saw it on our little atomic radar. Nothing moved, so no blueprints or plans or... oooh... yeah. I fucked up.

Remind me to Force choke you on our next happy hour

No I can't see you, it's Facebook Moff!

This is all so complicated. I really liked the phone better. How do you do that cut and paste thing again?

Ctrl C – Ctrl V

Ok check this, these are some decoration ideas for my room on the Death Star: ctrl c – ctrl v

Don't type it Moff! You must do the key combination on your keyboard

STUPID FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT I HATE PCS

Uuuh what? She was in top shape. Died from what?

Coroner says "Broken heart"

Jesus Christ. Broken heart. What a fucking joke. It's not Alice in Wonderland for chrissake.

well, the report clearly states "Broken heart"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Hahahahahahaha you're so funny

LOL I know. What a shitty day though.

LMFAO BWNED!!! Can't wait to see you on that fencing paralympics team you loser. NOOB!

I HATE YOU!

Well boohoohoo. What's that smell? Did I leave something on the stove? Oh no, it's Anakin, er, "Darth" burning. Well it's true what they say, you look kinda hot man. LOL

Darth fucking Vader, man! You should do the same... your name sounds like Abigail Crabtree. Not good.

Yeah I know, I'm not exactly proud but they do make great artificial limbs nowadays. Then again, I couldn't know Palpatine would throw you out the window.

Everything's great. Missing an arm, electrocuted and smashed down the building. And all these motherfuckin' snakes on the motherfuckin' plane.

What?

Wah, wrong movie. So what's up, dawg?

You're a funny guy. Old fuck.

Oh Anakin is angry. Gooood. Real gooooood.

You dirty bastards. I am going to kill you all. Yourself, your wife, your kids. Your brother, sister, father, mother, all your friends. Wham Bam.

Oh that's just a brillant idea. This will sort out everything. PS: I am being sarcastic. It's sometimes hard in writing, but what I really meant is that it will NOT sort out anything. I can't find the emoticon.

You have a little trap door on your belly. Open it and unplug the red wire and the green wire. Oh and press the On/Off button before closing it down

There, sir, it is done. What now?

Wait for two minutes

Sir? It's weird, I am feeling weak. I feel that I am going to

There theeere. Its gonna be OK.

Seriously?

Naaah, just kidding. He just got knocked out. But then Maul put a lightsaber through him. He's exposed at the Wahlberg Funeral Home until Saturday.

That's awful. Soooo... can I have his lightsaber and iPod Touch?

Hola! I'm heeere! Heeheeheeheehee!

Yiippeee! Me doing crazy stuff with my hands!

Look! Look at my eyes, they funny! Me craaaaazy!

Yabadabadoo! Look at me!

Heehee! Did you see me! Prout! Prout!

Ok that's it .

Whatever.

It's not what you think. I want to show him... hum... the Force. It's like magic stuff.

I'm not even interested anyway, Mrs Skywalker

Pffft I don't even like you, I like girls with big titties

You little jerk